Friday, December 27, 2013

what do you feel when you look at those people who are on the verge of dying


the question that lingers in my mind since thursday is

'what do you feel when you look at those people who are on the verge of dying'

well, first of all, let me clarify that thursday is a hospital day for us year 3 dental students. it's a human disease module, and we learn to clerk patients, learn all kinds of diseases, learn all the stuff that are there in the hospital. clerking is where you get great details from the patients about their diseases. like the onset of the pain ke, any other associated symptoms, rasa macam mana and soo many.. cerita nenek moyang dia pun kita nak tau.. so.. the story begins

cancer is quite common nowadays. and the number is expected to rise. my lecturer even quote that breast cancer prevalence is 1 in 10.. tu current rate.. in the future entah berapa.. that makes my new year resolution, cut down on fast food and whatever food that has a long expiry date.. not good.

so the reason i'm writing is..

its like every week i will meet at least one cancer patient. kita akan clerk dia.. tanya signs and symptoms, bila start sakit, rasa macam mana, then present kat doctor, kita discuss..
most of the time, patient tengah tunggu result segala test yang telah dibuat. most of the time, mereka optimis. mereka rasa sakit mereka takdelah teruk sangat. they dont expect cancer. well, the doctors yang merawat mereka pun most of the time tak beritau. tapi based on our knowledge, discussion ngan doctor, more or less, we know that they might not have a good result. sebab, secara majoriti, kanser tak menyebabkan kesakitan. takde sakit langsung. penyakit senyap. tetiba sekali rasa sakit atau tak selesa, check, dah later stage.. lambat..

ada satu masa, kami clerk makcik yang diberitahu oleh doktornya yang dia sakit batu hempedu. tapi bila kita clerk dia, well, it goes without saying that we suspect that she might have liver cancer.

ada satu masa, kami clerk pakcik yang ada ketumbuhan di satu tempat dalam badan. tak ingat la mana. dan dia ingat hanya satu ketumbuhan di satu tempat. tapi bila kita clerk dia, well, we suspect dia dah metastasis. i think orang sekarang semua hebat. kalau cakap metastasis mesti ramai dah tahu itu cancer stage paling akhir di mana cancer cells dah merebak pegi tempat lain... seterusnya menimbulkan signs and symptoms yang lain..

ada satu masa, kami clerk pakcik yang ingat dia tengah tunggu result test, sebab tu doktor tak buat apa apa kat dia.. tapi sebenarnya doktor tak buat apa apa sebab dia dah stage 4 colorectal cancer.. inoperable.. doktor cuma monitor saja dan menunggu hari..

ada satu masa kami clerk makcik yang baru je umur 43 tahun, anak lelaki kat sebelah rajin bacakan yasin selalu untuk mak dia.. cancer stage 2 or 3.. yang doctor delay 5 BULAN untuk operate.. daripada tumor sebesar golf ball, sampai masa aku nak clerk tu dah include almost the whole breast..

ada satu masa, kami clerk abang umur 24 tahun, fresh grad engineering.. oesophageal cancer with stage 2 or 3..


ada satu masa, kami clerk akak yang ada 3 orang anak kecil-kecil.. paling tua pun 7 tahun, baru habis operation breast tumor.. tapi bukan cancer lagi.. masuk ni dah 3 kali operate.. maknanya dah 3 kali berulang la.. sampai husband dia tanya kat aku, ni kalau jadi lagi ni nak buang apa pulak.. nak buat macam mana lagi.. 

and setiap kali aku jumpa patient yang chances dia untuk sembuh tu tak berapa elok, aku jadi emo.. sedih.. nah, i will never get used to this. it feels so bad to know that they are so many other people who are unluckier than you, and you cannot do anything to help them. aku selalu tanya kawan aku apa kau rasa bila kau tengok patient yang kau tahu prognosis dia tak elok.. they might not survive.. well, as for me, perasaan tu indescribable.. tak guna nak kenangkan perasaan kasihan tapi tak mampu buat apa-apa.. selain doa.. 



disclaimer: tapi sampai setakat harini, of course aku jumpa lebih ramai doktor yang berdedikasi daripada yang sambil lewa. terutama di hospital kerajaan. well, government hospital is definitely better than private hospital. percayalah. mereka lebih pakar dari segi knowledge dan experience. teknologi pun lebih canggih. tapi masalahnya cuma, terlalu banyak pesakit kat government hospital, menyebabkan pesakit tidak berapa rasa 'istimewa' macam anak raja seperti yang diharapkan. banyak kali juga aku dengar doktor kena marah dengan patient yang mendakwa doktor lambat buat kerja, tak tengok dia. padahal setiap kali doktor buat ward round, dia tengah tidur. setimpal la kan. awak bayar segitu, takkan nak expect dapat layanan macam prince william.












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